I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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