did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just invented taco cereal.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
