No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
