sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
