Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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