She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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