I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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