yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
