Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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