There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
