guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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