You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
