I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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