The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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