My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
