I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
