Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
