I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
