I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
