I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
