Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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