Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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