my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
