I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
