I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
