there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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