If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
