Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
