I think I died a long time ago.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
