NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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