Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
