dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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