watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
don't judge my taste in strippers
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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