she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
