Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
