No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
