the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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