yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
