How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
