We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
