It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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