If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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