so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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