I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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