FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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