Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I didn't shave. On purpose
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
