Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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