Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
