Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
