I think my fart just growled at me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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