I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
