i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
