my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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